I’m sorry. I’m weak.

So I hate when time goes by so fast when you’re having a great time, but when you’re bored time just seems to stand still. Had a relaxing night with the family on friday. Woke up went to Victoria to see Josh play. I had such a great time got to catch up with his family I missed seeing them, and of course I got to spend time with him my favorite. We only got to hangout for really only a couple of hours, but it was amazing as always. I just hate how quick it goes by. All I want is to spend time with him, but the little chances I get time just speeds up I always feel so rushed like I can’t just let go and relax because in the end I know I have to leave again.

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I have always thought of myself to be a strong person up until college. I’ve realized how weak I am, how much convincing, acceptance, and pain long distance relationships take. It’s not easy I’ll tell you that. Not something anybody can do. I have to really cherish what little time we have together because that’s all we got and it really does suck, but that’s where the those three things come in. 1. I have to connivence myself I’m not weak, pretend that I’m happy and not let things get me down. 2. I have to accept the fact that things are the way they are and there is nothing I can do. 3. I have to get through the pain, breakdown and cry, do anything to make me realize it will be okay, have to forget about how much it hurts….But I can’t always do that I over think everything. I play out every situatution in my head of how perfect things could be, which makes it harder on myself. I’ve planned the perfect life in my head which isn’t the best idea, because I can’t have that. I am a selfish person when It comes to my happiness, but is that a bad thing? Who wouldn’t the dream life. There is a plan for me for us, everything happens for a reason and I just need to push to the part where my dream starts.